This IS Me

So I have obviously not done too well at blogging. But it has been a difficult year. For some reason the second year of my husband being gone was hard. Maybe the reality just really sunk in. Maybe it is trying to raise a son on my own, especially as he is about to be a teenager. Maybe it is living in a new house, in a new neighborhood, in a new community and having to make all the decisions by myself. What ever the reason there have been times when I have been overcome by the grief and loneliness. And yet in some ways I feel myself becoming stronger. Having more faith in myself and my abilities. There are a lot of things I am learning to do. And yes, it still sucks and I still wish I could be with my sweetheart, but I am learning and growing.
I love the song, "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman. Probably because after all my surgeries from my cancer, and then from when I broke my leg- I literally am covered in scars. Add the emotional and spiritual ones from all I have endured the past three years and you can see how they speak to me:
             I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
             Run away, they say
             No one'll love you as you are

But- that same song also speaks to the strength I have learned I have:
           I am brave, I am bruised
           I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
           . . . 
           I won't let them break me down to dust
           I know that there's a place for us
           For we are glorious!

And yes we are glorious. Recently I spoke at a Young Women Camp for my church. The theme was "the Power Within." I shared with these young women (ages 12-17) how each of them has the power within them to face any trial they face. And where does that power come from? It comes from the divinity we each have as Children of God. There is a piece of His divinity within every person who walks this earth. And once we realize that- we will know that we ARE glorious!

                             This is my leg right after the surgery I underwent. I broke my tibia in several places and my fibula. I had fallen down cement stairs- while on vacation. On my birthday.

                                   This is before one of my chemo treatments. It was just the beginning of my fight against breast cancer. Chemo was followed by a bilateral mastectomy, 6 weeks of radiation, and then several reconstruction surgeries. 

                       I have had to learn to do my own home maintenance and improvements. I measured, planned and then ordered easyclosets.com to customize a closet in my office. This picture was taken while I laid on the floor to get under the shelves to tighten some of the screws.

                       This is the finished closet. I love how it turned out- and even put in some shelves in a hall closet for more storage- I am feeling so confident in my ability I have decided I will go ahead and do my master closet myself. I am so grateful my dad taught me how to use tools!

So even though I still get self conscious of my scars- as they fade more each year, my fears will fade too. And I am learning to recognize that those scars remind me of all I have overcome. Because THIS IS ME!